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The Wired Lion Humor Spotlight!  

 

Why Computers Sometimes Crash!

A la Dr. Seuss?

 

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,

And the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,

And the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

 

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,

And your data is corrupted cause the index doesn’t hash,

Then your situation’s hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

 

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse.

But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,

That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall………

 

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;

Then you may as well reboot the thing and go out with a bang,

‘cuz sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang.

 

When the copy on your floppy’s getting sloppy in the disk,

And the macro code instruction is causing unnecessary risk,

Then you’ll have to flash the memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM,

And then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

 

Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives.

 

And the Wired Lion thanks this unknown author for the techno-giggle!


 
Favorite haiku error messages:
 Yesterday it worked,                             Three things are certain,
Today it is not working,                       Death, taxes and lost data,
Windows is like that.                            Guess what has occurred.

Cleaning Poem
I asked the Lord to tell me
Why my house is such a mess.
He asked if I'd been 'computering',
And I had to answer, "yes."

He told me to get off my fanny

And tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up...
The smudges off my mouse. 

I wiped and shined the topside.
That really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work...
I didn't mean to 'click.'

But click, I did, and oops I found
A real absorbing site
That I got SO way into...
I was into it all night.

<>
Nothing's changed except my mouse
It's very, very shiny.
I guess my house will stay a mess...
While I sit here on my hiney.
Printer Problems!

I have a large newsletter to print. The problem is, I hit print and then go off to do other errands. When I come back, the printed pages are all torn and scattered all over the place!

Wonder why? Check the link to the right!

Media
Surprise!
After going through a virus attack, 
Losing a hard drive, 
Fighting off hackers, 
Upgrading all my software, 
Installing fire-walls, 
Being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, 
And a host of other problems... 

I have fixed my computer... 

And NOW it works exactly the way I want it to! 
Subject: Best out of office email reply

 
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to
get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and
heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me
until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be
deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the
first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is
unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending
again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many
in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You
are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in
approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC
for my response.

9. I've run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Bob'

 

Click these images to enlarge, right-click to save to your pc!

"Keep it Safe, Simple and Fun!"

Your Personal PC Service and Advocacy!